(Yeah, the line about flamethrowers)
As they say in Kansas, "Fat Chance!"
MATTHEW, your request to pay off your loan has been received. If you're currently in the process of financing with another lender, we want to keep your valuable business.
Based on your current payment history, we are now authorized to offer you a Preferred Customer Discount of up to 1 point off the discount points on your next home loan.¹ This means you may save thousands of dollars² — the larger your loan amount, the larger your discount value!¹
You mean you actually want people that pay their bills?
(Quaint is obviously my bitter word of the evening)