So while en route from PHX to BWI, late Thursday night after a couple of (what appear to be) successful days onsite with a new-ish client, I couldn't help but a feel a bit of satisfaction, or perhaps, more importantly, lack of restlessness that has characterized much of my infosec^H^H^H^H^Hcybersecurity career. Things actually made sense. My career had some sort of meaningful trajectory. I had not just been hopping around every 18 months for the the last decade. There was a method to the madness.
(Perhaps it is no coincidence that the we've finally settled and bought a house north of Baltimore, that I wasn't on pins and needles while out of town when talking to my wife, or that the start of the school year has gone surprisingly smoothly for my two oldest children, or that my oldest's BPD, et. al. is reasonably under control, but I digress)
Around the turn of the century (and perhaps longer), I definitely had a case of the what do I do next? What is the next big thing? How can I scratch that itch?
I got my start as a trainer, which was a monkey I had on my back for a few years, only made worse that I had a B.A. in English and History from an engineering school and that my first job out of college was as an 8th grade reading teacher of all things!
So I relished the chance to leave Trident (only after my stock options from the Veridian acquisition were safely deposited) on to a all too brief stint as a security consultant at SBC (where I mostly wrote proposals and coded tools nobody would ever use) to my 5+ years at Cisco (internal consulting, then R&D, then back again) which was just as frustrating as it was rewarding. Politics. Personalities. My own naiveté. But exposure to Big Corporate life and a hell of a lot of cool technology. Then, fleeing to a small company, which was also as rewarding as it was frustrating. Mostly the working at home thing and not having enough people to work with, which was maddening, because I found out I was more social than I thought, culminating in that fateful move to Chicago for operational IT work and a hell of a lot of Ruby coding. On call. Weekend upgrade. BSD! Then back to training because I was burned out of ops work and wanted an easy way to move back East. And I actually enjoyed teaching. Adults (in the military) and kids (when I was a middle school teacher).
What triggered my thoughts at 28,000 feet (or whatever 737-700s fly at Eastbound) was recalling how natural early in the morning it was to be up at the whiteboard in the meeting I was having: drawing network diagrams, proposing solutions, debating implementations, cracking jokes. How this was just like teaching--or at least how I liked to teach. And I realized that there was no way that I could have felt this comfortable if I hadn't had the last two (no, scratch that, three) jobs.
One of the best things about teaching at Tenable (more so with the Enterprise classes than my Nessus classes) was how I'd get all sorts of weird questions based on peculiar aspects of a student's network (or political) environment. This kept me on my toes. And before then, at Hewitt, getting just enough of a taste of the keeping-shit-running hell of operational work and large, complex, global networks that makes a SCADA system seem simple. And before that all the lessons learned from Dale (who was channeling Tom Peters) about projects and clients and who you really are. So despite the fact that I still haven't stayed in one place for more than 18 months in the last two years
But the "grown-up" part in the title? What is that about?
Perhaps because I was (or still am) only a mediocre bug-hunter (or pentester or whatever, though I loath the term) but that of vulnerability sort of work I did at Cisco (and later at Digital Bond) never seemed to make a difference. And if I'm honest about it, the learning about a new product, application, protocol, or whatever was more interesting than actually finding flaws in it. Besides, you never really knew would be fixed or not--certainly was not in the critical path, was only at the tail end. Maybe things have changed now in appsec as it has gone mainstream? Maybe I got involved in that field too early. I know I got interested in fuzzers way too early. That's for damn sure.
Although I still do some of this sort of work, these days most of what I do now involves building things, not breaking things. And it is in the critical path. Secure network & system design is in the critical path. Hell, even compliance work is in the critical path.
That cool, technical work where you could wear shorts and sandals into the office every day and never had face to face meetings with your clients and never had to record time or worry about how much time you are billing, burn rate, or profitability--that was not in the critical path.
As much as I miss Austin, that is what I'll be thinking of when I head down 95 and pull into the office in the BWI flight path tomorrow morning for the first time in a week.